Bitch Fight

Snuggles: I’ll kill you!

Zaza: Not till I kill you!

Snuggles: How dare you …

Zaza: How dare you?  It was all because of you that Mom smacked me.

Snuggles: Me? Who was the first to go for my throat?

Zaza: It was your fault.  You pushed yourself into Mom’s lap.

Snuggles: Jealous, huh? Mom loves me more than she loves you.

Zaza: She just says so because she feels sorry for you.  No one likes you.  Dad and everyone love me more.

Snuggles: Shut up! That’s because you wiggle your bottoms and your way into everyone’s arms.  You .. you … sly little thing.  No one knows the evil behind your melting eyes.

Zaza: Melting – at least they are not cockeyed like yours!

Snuggles: You are cockeyed, you nasty bitch.

Zaza: Hah! Bitch you…

Snuggles: You stupid, fool, donkey…

Zaza: You monkey, cow…

Snuggles: Mom! Look, Zaza’s calling me names.

Zaza: You little tattler.  You worm.  Always worming your way into Mom’s lap.  She just has to sit or lie down and you flop down on her tummy or feet.  You boot licker.

Snuggles: You boot eater! Who chewed Dad’s walking shoes?

Zaza: And who got punished for it?  How do you like the bathroom?  It is your favourite part of the house – you are there so often.

Snuggles: All because of you.  You wicked thing.  You are no sister of mine. Always getting me into trouble.  And, by the way, who crawls paw by paw on to Dad’s side of the bed?

Zaza: Not me.  I don’t need to.

Snuggles: Sure! You try your da—t but all your charms have flopped.  He still does not allow you there, ha ha.

Zaza: Mom! Snuggles is using curse words.

Snuggles: Now who’s the tattler?  You hypocrite.

Zaza: Mom! Snuggles is using big words…

Snuggles: … that I don’t understand because I am dumb, stupid Zaza.

Zaza: Who you calling dumb?  I too listen to human talk.

Snuggles: But too busy wiggling your bottoms and wagging your tail to impress everyone to really listen.

Zaza: So, I am friendly.  I don’t go to birthday parties to sit on a chair and growl at all trying to make friends with me.  Mom herself said you were at your ‘unsociable best’ at Simba’s birthday.  There, I used a bigger word, dumbo.

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Snuggles: I was guarding my leash.  But at least I went.  Who got left out?  Heh heh!

Zaza: Umph! Not my fault.  Big Sis said I was hot and she wanted to keep me at home.

Snuggles:  You dodo.  You are on heat, not hot.

Zaza: Same thing.  She said I have grown up, which is more than she said for you.

Snuggles: She also said you had your cycle for the first time.  She was just fooling you to make you feel better – I don’t see you riding no cycle.

Zaza: So she said you are PMS-ing.  It means you getting from dumb to dumber.  Anyway, pointless conversation.  Who gets the most yellings for not listening?  You use all those words to show off  but you don’t understand ‘come’, ‘sit’, ‘quiet’.  Your bark is the most annoying sound on the planet.

Snuggles: Better than yours – you sound like the rumble of a truck. Truck in sound and truck in body.   At least I can do a good job of looking after the house.  You’ll let anyone into the house.

Zaza: Who cares?  The world needs more friendship.  Anyway, I heard Mom herself call you ‘bloody’.

Snuggles:  Stupid! Stupid! She called me her ‘bloodhound’ because I can sniff something strange at once.  So there.

Zaza: I don’t see anything great in walking around with your nose to the ground.

Snuggles: It is better than lying flat on the ground looking like a scruffy rug and making cow eyes.

Zaza: Who you calling cow? You cowardly cat.

Snuggles: Coward you!

Zara: Who goes rushing under the chair even when Mom draws the curtains? Coward. Coward. Coward.

Snuggles: At least I am not a traitor, turning against my own. Truck Zaza

Zaza: I am not.  What rubbish are you talking?

Snuggles: You start a fight and then sit on me, you truck, to look good before Mom.

Zaza: That’s because she asks my help in controlling you, you wild-tempered thing.

Snuggles: Keep quiet.

Zaza: You keep quiet.

Snuggles: Shut up a minute, will you!  I can hear Mom yelling for us.

Zaza: Now what did you do?

Snuggles: Not me, you.

Zaza: No way. You.

Snuggles: Shut up and run.  We are in deep sh–

Zaza: Mom! Snuggles is using curse words.

Snuggles: You want to suck up to Mom or run?  Put on your best baby face, sis.

Zaza: You run on ahead.  I’m right behind you.  Thanks for the warning.  Saved my life, sis.

Snuggles: What are sisters for?

Innocent lambs




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